Ambush
by real elmo
Summary: A humorous story of how the titans tried to figure out why slade's pretending to be a bush?


I DON'T OWN THE "TEEN TITANS" (I wouldn't be able to come up with something so cool).

I DON'T HAVE ANY PARTICULAR CONTROL OVER OR PART IN THE PRODUCTION OF THE CARTOON SERIES.

I CAME UP WITH THE IDEA FOR THIS PARTICULAR STORY'S PLOT BY MYSELF.

THIS STORY IS NOT TO BE TAKEN AS ANY OFFICIAL PLOT LINKED WITH THE CARTOON SERIES.

I PERSONALLY DEDICATE THIS SOTRY TO "David Bellew" AND "Niamh McKeever". DAVE, YOU ROCK OUT LOUD! NIAMH, I FANCY YOU SO MUCH!

**Author Note: **What was I sniffing when I wrote this?

AMBUSH.

Cyborg's hand tapped around the tray for some time before he finally found the gearbox adjuster. His hand then grabbed it, scurried across the floor, handed it to Cyborg, who was underneath the "T-Car", and reattached itself onto his hand. Being a cyborg had it advantages at times. Cyborg may make it clear at frequent time that he would like to be fully human again. But compared to what he could also be, he learned to make the most of what he had.

Cyborg was about to fix the gearbox into place, when he remembered that it was his turn to take out the trash.

"_Better do it now before the kung-fu dick gives out to me!_" He thought.

He made his way to the several bags that were heaped in a pile. He noticed there was a note on one.

_Dear Dudes:_

_Don't look in this bag (especially if yourRobin)!_

_Signed: The best-looking and funniest Titan:_

_Beast Boy_

_P.S_

_I didn't do it Robin! I swear!_

What ever it was, when Cyborg picked it up the bags, it sounded like it was made of glass.

Cyborg always liked to take the long way outside. He loves to walk through all the hallways and pass the bedrooms.

As he passed Raven's room, he could hear her meditating. There was always and odd relationship between Cyborg and Raven. It was probably because they were both somewhere in the middle. Cyborg was half human, half robot, while Raven was half demon, half human. However they never really talked much. They just gave "Good mornings" to each other and polite nods when they met in the hallway.

It wasn't long before he crossed Robin's room. And as soon he heard the "fun" in his room, he just polite ran ahead.

"_Christ! Can't Starfire keep her legs closed for two whole seconds without getting bored?_" Cyborg chuckled to himself.

Beast Boy's room was surprisingly quiet. He must be hiding (from Robin).

It was Cyborg who taught Beast Boy to say "Dude". Before than, Beast Boy was just a suck up little snot colored twerp. But a few days of non-stop Game-station later, and Beast Boy became one of the most laid back, chilled, lazy, and irresponsible hero ever.

Eventually, Cyborg made it outside to the trashcan. He just plopped the bags next to it. Just as he was about to leave, he became aware that there was a bush next to the trashcan.

"_Has that always been there?_" he wondered.

It looked like just an ordinary bush. Green. Leafy. Square-ish round-ish. The only thing that stood out was that it wasn't rooted to the ground and you could see someone's feet.

The bush shivered a bit.

"Beast Boy? BB bro, if that's you, Robin hasn't found the bag yet."

There was no reply. The bush just shivered again.

It was then that Cyborg noticed the boots of the person. He realized where he's seen them before. They were Slade's.

Cyborg jumped backwards and wiped out his sonic canon blaster.

"Don't move Slade! I've got you right in my sight!" Cyborg yelled.

"I'm not Slade. I'm a bush. An ordinary bush." The bush replied.

Cyborg lowered his sonic canon blaster in confusion. He decided to play along.

"Okay. If you're an ordinary bush, then how can you have feet and talk?"

The bush shivered slightly and pondered on this thought.

"I'm an ordinary bush… from Europe. All us European bushes can talk and grow feet." The bush replied after a long pause.

"Where in Europe?" Cyborg questioned, hoping to catch out the bush.

"…Around the British Isles in moist areas. Like Scotland or Ireland."

"Then why don't you have a Scottish or Irish ascent?"

Cyborg smirked to himself, thinking he caught Slade out.

"I've been living here a couple of months now. My ascent faded away a long time ago." The bush replied.

Cyborg grew tired of this nonsense.

"Slade, I know it's you. I recognize those boots and that voice anywhere. Just come out, we'll fight a little, I'll win, and then we can all go home."

The bush wasn't going to give up without a session of determination.

"For the last time, I'm just an ordinary talking European bush with feet."

**Back in the tower, in Robin room…**

Robin emerged from the blankets panting and gasping for air. He was drenched in sweat. He never had such an experience like that before. He was utterly exhausted. And Starfire wanted more. Robin began to cry slightly Starfire started to 'show interest' again. God have mercy on him. He's only one man. How was he suppose to know that Starfire's alien race were nymphomaniacs.

"Um, I'll be right back. I've got to… got to… water the plants. Yeah, that's it! I've got to water the plants!" Robin told Starfire, desperate for some excuse to leave.

"Hurry back please. I am most eager to try out this 'job of the blowing' that I've heard so much about." Starfire beckoned.

Robin got dress and raced to the bathroom. He looked at the mirror and didn't know if he should chuckle for the pleasure or weep for the pain. He loved Starfire for so long. He remembered how they had their first kiss where she absorbed his English. But he remembered how they shared their first expressive kiss together after the Titans saved Starfire from becoming affianced to Glgrdsklechhh (the green alien blob). While she was in her dressing room preparing for the ceremony, she realized that she truly loved Robin. When they returned home to Earth and as soon as they were alone, Starfire kissed Robin profoundly.

"_Now that I'm out, perhaps I should water the plants. Just to give me time to catch my breath._" Robin concluded.

A few seconds later, Robin was outside, heading towards the green house. He was about to open the door, until he heard Cyborg shouting. Robin natural leader instincts motioned him rapidly in the direction of Cyborg's yelling. Robin stopped in his tracks when he saw Cyborg chasing after a bush, which was running.

"Um… Cy? Wh…what are you… doing?" Robin asking, halting briefly at points, wondering those he really want to ask.

Cyborg explained to him what was going on and how Slade refuses to admit he's not a bush.

"Perhaps he's serious." Robin said. Seeing Cyborg's look, he quickly added more. " I mean like, perhaps he REALLY does believe he's a bush you know. Maybe when Trigon took away his mortality, his psyche got lost completely as well. And as long as he's able to come up with excuses to why he can talk and walk, he'll still believe he's a bush."

Cyborg roughly got the logic in that. And as soon as it actually fully sunk in, he smiled at Robin.

"So…" Cyborg began. "It would be okay if we treated him like a bush, right?"

Robin asked to where he was going with this theory.

"Well, I know a certain green dog who would love to do certain dog things to a Slade bush."

Robin finally copped on, and smiled vigorously.

**Hidden in the Green House…**

The Titan's green house lived up to its name. Everything inside was completely green and alive with energy. To one side was a small patch where Raven loves to meditate. In a corner is an alien plant from Starfire's home planet. But apart from these small areas and a narrow pathway through the green house, leaves surrounded the entire dwelling. A perfect place for a green changeling to hide if he broke something really important.

Beast Boy popped his little head out from a wild bush. He's been there ever since he realized what he just broke. He didn't he anyone looking for him, so he concluded that it must be okay to come out… for the moment.

It was then that he darted back into the bush when he heard shouting.

"We know you're in that bush! You might as well come out now, and perhaps we'll go easy on you!" Beast Boy heard Robin yelling.

"Yeah…maybe!" Beast Boy heard Cyborg adding.

"_Oh man! I'm done for! They know I'm in here. Robin's right. I might as well come out now. Like he said, 'perhaps we'll go easy on you!'._" Beast Boy said, adding in the last bit, hoping it would lift his spirits.

The greenhouse door swung wide open and Beast Boy stood in the entrance, clapped his hands together, and fell to his knees.

"Dude, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to do it! It just happened! And I swear that…"

Beast Boy stopped when he saw Robin and Cyborg actually talking to a bush. He thought that perhaps they went crazy with anger at what he did. He wasn't going to approach them until Cyborg spotted him and beckoned him over.

"Just the green dog I was looking for." Robin said smiling.

"Dude I'm so, so, so sorry! I swear I'll pay you back! Please don't kill me!" Beast begged.

Robin was perplexed. Beast Boy realized that he didn't find the rumble, so he decided not to say anything. After the Cyborg and Robin explained that Slade was acting as if he really was a talking bush from Europe with feet, Beast Boy, who still grieved that Slade brought Terra to the dark side, was all too happy to change into a green dog, waddle over to the bush, lift up his hind leg, and…

**Charging down the tower…**

Starfire was fuming. When she looked outside the window in Robin's room and saw Robin and Cyborg shooting at a bush, she was furious. Robin promised that her bush would be the only one he plays with.

She marched through the hallway, down stair, into the elevator, and out the main door to find Beast Boy, in dog form, about urinate to on a bush with legs.

"BEAST BOY! USE THE TOILET! DON'T EXCRETE YOUR WASTE OUT IN PUBLIC!" Starfire screeched.

Beast Boy stopped and looked up at Starfire. Just as he did, the bush kicked him right in his testicles. Beast Boy's dog yelp morphed into a human cry as he changed back to normal.

Starfire would have gone to help Beast Boy if she hadn't seen Robin. Instead she raced right up to him, grabbed him by the cloak, and pulled him away from the two other Titans. After a long endured fight, and an even longer explanation for the reason why the bush sounds like Slade.

"Boyfriend Robin. If he is indeed a bush, should we not act like he is a bush? For example, he looks a bit wild. I think he needs to be cut down to size." Starfire implied, smiling at Robin while holding a pair of shears.

**In her own little world…**

Trigon, being a rape child, Malchior, being betrayed, Slade, being used, Azarath, being alone, Terra, being replaced, the Titans, being the odd one out…

The list goes on. There were many things that happened, are happening, and will happen that Raven must deal with. And through all, Raven must remain cool and calm. And of course the best way to do this is to meditate. Cutting herself away from the world is the best way to understand it. Or as she led herself to believe.

She chanted to herself silently, as if hoping that she would accidentally fall asleep and wake up in Azarath, finding that it was all just an awful nightmare that's now over.

She was just about to reach Zen, the moment of perfect tranquility of one's soul, until she heard: "Don't move Slade! I've got you right in my sight!"

"_Arrogant!_" Raven thought.

It took her a while for her to fall back into the same balanced mind. As before, she was about to reach anti-insecurity of spirituality, until she was interrupted.

"Dude, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to do it! It just happened! And I swear that…"

"_Idiot!_" She told herself.

She wanted to give it one more time since she came so close. She closed her eyes, found her spirit's axis point, chanted slowly, silent, and repeatedly. She could feel it. It was so close this time. She almost had it in her grasp. Perhaps she should have grabbed it while she knew it was there.

"BEAST BOY! USE THE TOILET! DON'T EXCRETE YOUR WASTE OUT IN PUBLIC!"

That was it! Raven stood up, walked out of her room, and down the corridor. As she past Robin's room, she slipped. She muttered a swear to herself and picked herself. She searched the floor to find that she slipped on a condom… ripped!

"_I hope that wasn't ripped before I slipped on it!_" She wished.

Raven had no time for this. She wanted to see what all the fuss was about outside. She cleaned her shoe of what she hoped was shampoo lotion, and rushed outside. She should have stayed inside.

Cyborg, with a lawnmower, Starfire, with shears, Robin, with a pitchfork, and Beast Boy, with an axe, were chasing after the bush. They all stopped to invite Raven into the chase. She insisted that this was pointless.

"Right! If you think you have a better idea, why don't you intervene and show us how to do it?" Cyborg suggested

Raven used her powers to lift the bush up, to reveal a motionless Slade.

"Okay… well… that shut me up." Cyborg admitted his foolishly.

Robin wasted no time. Within seconds the Titans surrounded Slade, leaving with no options.

"Alright Slade. What was the deal with the bush?" Robin said, demanding an explanation.

"Nothing. I just thought it would be funny if I freak you guys out." Slade answered.


End file.
